Grocery Shopping, Cooking, and Eating While Autistic
I’ve recently gotten into cooking as a way of survival and self-expression. When I cook, I’m able to enter a strange sort of liminal space in my mind where I can block everything out except for what is directly in front of me. It’s loud, it’s messy, and it’s very chaotic, but the process is oddly therapeutic. There’s no social protocols to abide by, just a simple objective with a simple outcome: cook meal, get fed.
Grocery shopping, on the other hand, is an absolute nightmare.
The ability to comfortably navigate grocery stores is one of those skills I used to have that evaporated during the pandemic. Aisle signs designed to reduce contact between people confused me, as I interpreted them very literally. I would pace up and down aisles, stop, and redirect myself, trying my very best to follow what I thought were rules carved in stone.
There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to grocery shop while autistic; it’s more about learning which tradeoffs and drawbacks you can manage versus those you can’t.
Unfortunately, I haven’t quite regained the skill of navigating grocery stores with comfort. I was able to manage the stress temporarily by shopping at smaller grocery stores for a while, such as Trader Joe’s. However, I’m a much more confident cook than I used to be, and have more or less outgrown the excellent but limited offerings of smaller grocery chains. So, back to overstimulating hellscapes it is.
In spite of my intense dislike of large grocery stores, I find it easier to mentally prepare myself for the onslaught of sights, sounds, smells, and PEOPLE rather than try and fiddle with online pick-up/delivery services. Online services can be very convenient for those who can’t do the chaos of grocery stores. However, they’re also much more expensive, prone to frustrating errors and hiccups due to another person picking out the groceries for you, and result in you acquiring an annoying surplus of plastic bags.
There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to grocery shop while autistic; it’s more about learning which tradeoffs and drawbacks you can manage versus those you can’t. I personally cannot tolerate the tradeoffs of letting someone else pick out my groceries for me, so I choose to brave the chaos in order to do it myself.
However, another autistic person may find the bright lights, strong odors, and annoying humans of grocery stores to be unbearable, and may be more willing to pay extra for a delivery or pick-up service. Every autistic individual is different, and has different thresholds of tolerance for the chaos of everyday adult routines. Likewise, every autistic person has varying ways of managing the drawbacks in how they choose to go about these tasks.
One method I use to manage my grocery store stress is by shopping with another person — in this case, my dad. I can usually manage quick in-and-out tasks by myself alright. For large grocery runs, my dad and I always shop together. He and I have an arrangement where he covers grocery costs in exchange for me cooking meals, which translates well in practice when navigating the insanity of Smith’s.
In addition to not having to worry as much about the costs of groceries (I tend to anyway, it’s just how I am), shopping with my dad is also more efficient. He’s less spatially-challenged than I am, so he can find certain items faster. I create the meal plans for the week, so I can communicate what products we need to get. He also is better at doing the smile-and-small-talk song and dance with cashiers in high-stimulus environments than I am, which takes the pressure off me to be sociable when I am in task-completion-mode.
There are other ways to manage the overwhelm of grocery stores. Some chains in large metropolitan areas have sensory-friendly hours where the lights are dimmed and there are fewer people around. However, a lot of these sensory-friendly times tend to occur pretty early in the morning. Because I am not a morning person in the slightest, I prefer to go shopping in the afternoons on weekdays. There may be more people there than in the early morning, but I find it easier to shop when I’m fully awake and alert than when I’m groggy and murderous (joke). Again, it’s all about which tradeoffs fall within your threshold of tolerance.
Another method of grocery shopping is to have a trusted adult (friend, family member, partner, caretaker, etc) do the shopping for you if you are having a low-tolerance day or struggle in general with grocery stores. The biggest benefit to this method is that if said person knows you very well, they will be more likely to find the products you need than a stranger on Instacart.
For autistic people curious about cooking, I find that having all of my ingredients and supplies out in front of me ahead of time makes the cooking process way, way easier.
This method does operate on quite a bit of trust, though. Not all autistic folks have someone they trust enough to grocery shop for them, or they might be hilariously-untrusting in general (again, me) and prefer to do it themselves. It can, however, be a great option for those who have the resources and comfort with asking for help to pursue it.
Once you get home from the grocery store, cooking can be its own beast. For those unaware, cooking can be especially challenging for many autistic individuals. It took me most of my twenties to get to the point where I was confident enough in my cooking skills to do anything fancier than simple pastas. Some autistic people may never be able to learn how to cook, or may need consistent help and supervision in the kitchen, and that is perfectly alright. Everyone’s threshold is different.
For autistic people — or anyone— curious about cooking, I find that having all of my ingredients and supplies out in front of me ahead of time makes the cooking process way, way easier. This is especially true with spices; if you have a good-sized spice cabinet, I recommend getting the ones you need out in advance so you’re not panic-scrambling for them at the last minute! If you have limited kitchen space, try utilizing the dining or coffee table as a temporary placeholder for things you need to have on hand.
I also recommend learning how to cook simple meals first, and buying pre-chopped veggies if they are an option in your area. Soups, chilis, and casseroles are generally very-good starter meals, as most are some variation on “throw thing into pot/dish and heat up.” Chilis and casseroles are filling, freezer-friendly, and a great way to use up vegetables, ensuring you’re able to spread your meals out over a week and get the nutrients you need.
Pre-chopped veggies are a life-saver if you are not confident with your fine-motor or knife skills. I certainly was not starting out, and while my chopping skills have improved infinitely, I’m still not a very fast cook because I have to take my time with the knife.
This is another consideration when learning to cook while autistic: pacing. Some autistic people will be slower in the cooking process. I’m also very much a slow cook; as fun as it is, cooking is a very cognitively-taxing process that requires all of my focus. If you are making a meal that’s more involved than throwing things in a microwave or toaster oven, I recommend setting aside plenty of time to make the meal, especially when you’re just starting out. If you tend to get low blood sugar easily near mealtimes, keep some juice or simple snacks on hand as well.
I’ve found that the best way to manage my digestive issues and get the nutrition I need is by paying attention to the food I eat and what’s in them.
Getting adequate nutrients when autistic can be challenging for a whole variety of reasons, many of which go beyond the scope of this article. To paraphrase, many autistic individuals struggle with food sensitivities, digestive problems, comorbid physical/mental health conditions that affect eating, and disordered eating patterns. I, for example, have OCD and sporadic depression, one of which affects my comfort with uncertainty and conscientiousness about nutrition, the other of which affects my motivation to keep myself alive. I have to manage both of these conditions on top of my autism when feeding myself, and when I have particularly bad flare-ups of either, my ability to take care of myself goes south.
Additionally, I’ve had digestive problems for most of my life. They can be rarely straightforward or simple to manage, especially when you’re neurodivergent. If you are a caretaker of an autistic person — child or adult — I would be wary of most fad diets targeted towards autistic individuals. A lot of fad diets are based in pseudoscience (junk science), tend to be drastic, inconvenient, or economically-burdensome, and are often promoted by folks trying to make a quick buck off of the general public’s desperation and scientific illiteracy.
A good rule of thumb to follow: if a) the person marketing “the solution” to autistic digestive problems has a very shiny, polished social media presence and spends most of their time constantly their products, b) believes that vaccines and/or bread causes autism, c) calls themselves a “life coach/wellness coach” or is big on holistic healing, or d) has a podcast (half-joking here), they’re probably selling you bullshit. If you want specific, detailed nutritional advice for your autistic loved one, I’d stick with nutritionists operating out of clinics or telehealth platforms rather than social media influencers.
Personally, I’ve found that the best way to manage my digestive issues and get the nutrition I need is by paying attention to the food I eat and what’s in them. This allows me to troubleshoot my bloating issues more effectively than trying random diets. Through this, I’ve discovered that I’m mildly-sensitive to garlic and onions, and that my stomach doesn’t always like dairy, red meat, or eggs.
Through paying attention to what foods cause me to bloat, I’ve been able to buy sensitivity-friendly marinara sauces (tomato-based sauces with no garlic or onion) and redirect my protein intake towards fish, poultry, and lactose-free milk. I also eat lots of fruits and vegetables now, too, which has helped my mild iron deficiency more than copper rings or pricey supplements ever did.
Again, there’s no one, magical solution that works for every autistic person and their bodies. In my case, all I needed was some minor dietary adjustments that also happened to decrease my grocery bill. Other autistic folks may need more specialized diets and care, or even expensive supplements. Just be wary of the large variety of bullshit-peddlers that plague social media. Their job is not to help improve the lives of autistic people, but to take advantage of desperate parents and caretakers. I have yet to come across one that takes feedback from or respects the voices of actually-autistic people.
It can take a while to discover what your individual comfort levels and thresholds are when it comes to shopping, cooking, and eating while autistic. It’s important to be kind and patient with yourself when figuring it all out. Things will most definitely go wrong even if you’re comfortable with grocery shopping and meal prep, and not every solution will be the right solution for you.
If you’re someone who’s involved in an autistic person’s life, offering to help with grocery trips or with being an extra hand in the kitchen can go a long way in helping us build our confidence with shopping for and feeding ourselves. Just don’t send us a link to that Instagram wellness coach with the podcast. We’ve heard it all, and we don’t care for them.
Memento mori.
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